Father's Day; A tribute to Ernest Ezell Rathbone

Glimmers
Father’s day edition, 2010

A tribute to Ernest Ezell Rathbone, Jan 6, 1930 – June 11, 2010, on the occasion of his funeral.

I am proud to say that Ernest Ezell Rathbone was my father in law. I met Steve and David Rathbone at Lee College, long before I met Sherry or her Mom and Dad. I met them when I moved to Tampa to work at Riverhills Christian School, and considering my prior experiences of knowing David and Steve, I found Mr. and Mrs. Rathbone to be remarkably normal. (A little brother in law humor). Even before I met Sherry, they took an interest in me and encouraged me.

This week, I overheard my mother in law talking about Dad’s military service as a mechanic on B52s. She said pilots used to ask for him because they knew he would tell them the truth about the plane and whether or not it should fly. He was the same way at church.

When I met him, Dad was a leader at the Riverhills Church of God. He served on the pastor’s council and took that role very seriously. He was every pastor’s dream. He was insightful, respectful, candid and kind and would kindly let them know whether or not their proposals would fly. In all the years I have known him, I have never heard him say an unkind word or critical remark about any of his pastors. He held his pastors in the highest regard. Whatever disagreements he may have had with them, I never heard about them. As a former pastor, I can tell you that pastors love people like my father in law.

When Sherry moved back home to live with them, they started inviting me to lunch after Sunday church. At first I thought they were just being nice. I was a little slow in realizing they were hoping something would click between us. The scheme didn’t work at first.

After a brief move back to Tennessee from Florida, they returned to Tampa in January of 1980. When I heard they were coming back, I discovered all those dinners had a delayed effect. I met them at the house and helped them unload the truck. Sherry and I started dating and on Feb. 29, 1980 I asked her to marry me. That evening, after her parents had gone to bed, we woke them up to share our news. With a mischievous grin, Dad said, “Let me be the first to offer my condolences.”

God willing, Sherry and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary on July 12th this year. We have three daughters of our own, three great sons in law and two grandsons.

After our daughter, Candace, married Chris Hatcher, I learned how wise my father in law really was. On the way to work one morning, after I was feeling particularly bad about overstepping my bounds with Chris, I called him up. I said, “Dad, I just want to thank you for being a great father in law. Now that I am one, I realize how hard it really is.” He said, “Thank you.” That was it. “Thank you.” Not “what did you do and how could you have been so stupid.” Just “thank you.”

So with that being said, I’d like to share some sage advice, my “top ten” if you will, on how to be a great father in law from the best father in law anyone could ask for.

10. Never let the words, “You did WHAT?” cross your lips.
9. Always encourage your son in law. Dad took to calling me his “highly intelligent son in law” early on. After a while, I started believing it myself.
8. Be supportive. Dad and Mom both told Sherry that if she left me and came back home, they would put her and her bags out on the porch and send her back. It goes without saying that would not apply if I mistreated her in any way. He was a big man and I was, after all, highly intelligent.
7. Celebrate their successes- don’t dwell on their failures. He had plenty of opportunities to be critical, but he never was.
6. Don’t meddle. I am not as good at this as he was. I have had to apologize for overstepping my boundaries more than once. I had the wonderful privilege of officiating the wedding ceremonies for all my girls and at the last one, I gave all my sons in law express permission to let me know if I forget the “leave and cleave” part of their vows. He never had to be told. In that way, he was far more intelligent than I.
5. Give advice only when asked. Same as above.
4. Pray for them. He was a man of prayer and I knew at some point during the day, he’d be praying for me.
3. Trust that God is at work in the process. I was often frustrated in my early career as a pastor. I have made a lot of mistakes and made some unwise decisions. He always believed I would eventually figure things out. It took me a long time to find out that my gifts are best suited for hospital chaplaincy. His steady trust that God was at work helped me not give in to discouragement.
2. Be a good example. I knew him long enough to learn he had some flaws. We all do. But he was as sincere a Christian as I have ever met.
1. Finally, and most importantly, treat your son in law like a son. There is a beautiful theological concept called adoption in the Christian faith. The Greek term is huiothesia. It is a combination of huios, “son” and tithamie “to place or put” (If Dr. Arrington, professor of New Testament Greek, was here, he’d be so proud of me). It means to place as a son with all the rights and privileges of a natural born child. That’s how Dad made me feel. I didn’t just marry into the family, I felt like I had been adopted. I was not a natural born son, but I was loved like one.

My own father died when I was 12 years old. That’s a hole in a boy’s life that never gets filled. But I was blessed to know a man who became a father to me, who in so many ways and so many times became the love and grace of God to me. I am a better man for having known him.

Blessings to you all,

Jerald

Christmas 2009

One of the truths of relationships is that a move toward someone, by risking self-disclosure, trusting them with a part of your life you share with trusted people, usually results in a corresponding move in your direction. I move toward you, you move toward me. If you move toward me, I am inclined to reciprocate. It is the basic stuff of human connectedness.

One November Saturday in 1979, I heard someone singing in the sanctuary of the Riverhills Church of God. At the time, I was teaching at Riverhills Christian School, operated by the church, in Tampa FL. I made a staggering $161.00 a week, if memory serves, and I worked part-time as the church janitor for some extra cash. That's why I was there on that Saturday.

I walked into the sanctuary through the side entrance, near the stage and I saw James Byrd, my pastor, sitting at the sound table in the back of the church. With earphones on, he was practicing his solo for the Christmas cantata, "His Love Reaching." I paused in my duties, unseen by the singer and listened to his clear baritone sing, "Love kept on longing, and Love kept on reaching, right past the shackles of my mind..." Believe me, it sounded wonderful.

I have thought of that moment and that song several times this week as I anticipate Christmas. Christmas is the story of God reaching for us, God coming to us, God with us. Emmanuel. Coming to us not because we were righteous, or good, or deserving, but because were weren't.

I meet people bound with skackles of their own everyday. You do too. It is easy to dismiss them, to catagorize them, to depersonalize them and dehumanize them. We can come up with all kinds of reasons why they may be entitled to healthcare, but not our care. But in my head I hear that song; Love longing...Love reaching. I am called to care, called to love. Christmas reminds me to move toward them, to reach out to them, to care for them and about them. That's what Love did. That's what Love does.

Merry Christmas

Jerald